Random douchebag: Hello viewers I’m a Ryan seacrest type of guy and you’re watching TMZ.
Some loud obnoxious music plays before switching to another douchebag.
Douchebag 2: Our team of photographers and a few journalists were out on the streets of London when they saw EoW wrestlers Seb Abbott and his rival Dennis Black at a pub watching NFL. Odd that of all sports it’s Gridiron that brings these two together…
An image of Abbott and Black looking rather agitated by the clicking cameras appeared on screen.
Douchebag 1: Meanwhile in the US our correspondent ran into Rise women’s champion Madison Cox with an unfamiliar blonde haired woman having coffee in Beverly hills. We are lucky to have footage of this interaction.
TMZ bitch: Hi viewers it’s me Kimbarley today on my vlog of meeting famous people I met one of the nastiest bitches in the wrestling biz and her bitch friend.
The vlogger edited her stuff to star wipe into her interaction with Madison.
Kimbarley: OMG guys you’ll never guess who’s sitting right behind me. Hey bitch move your head so my viewers can see Madison.
The second person sitting opposite Madison looked sideways at the vlogger mouthing something distasteful which made Madison click her fingers.
Madison: Tut tut that is not how we handle these.
She looked over at the vlogger and laughed.
Madison: these. fat. people.
Kimbarley ignored this and started on the questions.
Kimbarley: Madison where is the women’s title? Do you not carry it around everywhere? I would. Oh, would you do my vlog intro? I’m sure you can do it.
Madison’s eye twitched a little.
Madison: Kimberly is it?
Kimbarley: it’s Kim-barl-
Madison held her finger up.
Madison: Look dear I don’t car-
The other woman with Madison stood up cutting her off.
???: Look here cu***, we were trying to have a F###ing conversation, privately I might add before your whale of an arse decided to harass us.
The vlogger looked taken aback by this and stifled a sob as her eyes welled with tears.
Kimbarley: you are really r-r-r-
???: Spit it out already stuttering sue.
The vlogger got up and threw her drink at the abusive second woman but it missed hitting Madison.
Fuming now Madison stood up also.
Madison: this outfit is worth more than your family’s wealth combined!
Kimbarley: Why wear it in publ-
A nasty superkick ended the recording.
The two douchebags in the studio looked flabbergasted and wide eyed.
Douchebag 1: well our friend Kimbarley looks like she was in a very prickly situation. Just a shame our rivals at BuzzFeed have all the other footage shot from the cafe patrons.
Douchebag 2: if I wasn’t a gay man that looked like Greta Thunberg I’d like that woman to wrap her Chun-Li legs around my head anyday.
A camera panned to show the studio crew looking bewildered at this remark.
Douchebag 1: well on that disturbing note goodnight and we’ll be back tomorrow with more celebrity gossip and sightings. So stay on the TMZ channel.
Shitty music plays for the outro and the screen goes blank….